submit under cover

I’m approaching a crisis
I can feel it creeping slowly before me and I come swallowing
I do not chase I crawl
behind
under covers
my eyes blaze open in dark night
between lids the veil my thin dreams panic
rattles over my ribs like a train and my heart
explodes screeching brakes the steam a puff of gray
vapor from my ears white noise that interferes
WITH MY THOUGHTS I can’t hear for all the noise
but I know I’ve been too loud I’ve been too loud too loud so NOISY saying nothing
why
have I been so NOISY saying nothing

I’m approaching a crisis I can feel it
I can’t tell if I meet it or if it meets me
I’m approaching
a crisis I can feel it
but I can’t tell
I can’t tell
is it coming over me
it’s coming over me I’m not falling in it’s coming over me but I’m approaching it
I’m approaching it but it’s coming over me
I’m approaching it but it’s coming over me from above
over my head
under cover
its undercover coming over me
over my head

I don’t want to
submit
submit
my poetry
I hate that word submit
I can’t have any more covers over me I can’t have any more
cover letters over my
submissions

I can’t submit my poems for
review
because it’s not re-view
if they’ve never been seen if they’re being seen for the first time
I want my poems to be
viewed
not sub mitted or
smited under cover
I don’t want to admit or be admitted
I don’t want to be a subject subjected to review by admissions submitted undercover
to a glorified Head and objected to abjected rejected dejected objectified un placed

I’m a loud train I’m a loud train not moving but
screaming toward crisis
I will not
submit
for re-view
under cover
undercover disguised for success
no
undercover designed for suck sex
no
I will not suck up
under cover
will not
submit
I will be successful without being suck sex full
without suck sex sub mitted under cover axed-epted
I don’t want to be axed-epted to be accepted
parts killed away
fists stealing my breath in fits of intestinal braiding
I’m stopping the train
I want quiet

--Diana Tigerlily, 2004